The Acoffeelypse
by Blue Penguin Lightning
Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985! Meant to be short and silly and goofy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

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**Chapter 1**

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"I want coffee," Jade whined.

"You had coffee before you left my RV this morning," Beck pointed out. He draped his arm over her shoulder, or attempted to at least. She pushed his arm off as soon as he was able to set it down. Jade wanted her coffee and she was going to have her way.

"So? Get me some coffee."

"What's the magic word?"

Jade glared at him. "I have scissors. Don't make me use them. I brought the Scissoring ones today."

Beck threw his hands up. Jade could be dangerous without her coffee. He knew better than to get in the way of her favorite beverage. "I'll go get you your coffee."

"Two sugars!"

"I know what to do!" he called back. Beck had been getting her coffee since they had started dating. She had drilled her coffee order into his head the moment they became exclusive. As he made his way over to the Grub Truck, he grabbed his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Two coffees. Black," Beck told him.

"No can do. They no let me serve coffee no more," Festus explained.

"When did that happen?"

Festus shrugged his shoulders. Beck swallowed hard. Jade and no coffee? If people thought Jade was difficult to deal with, they clearly hadn't met her with no coffee.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

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**Chapter 2**

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"What!" Jade shrieked.

"Jade, give me the scissors," Beck coaxed.

The Asphalt Café was practically deserted now. As soon as Beck told Jade that Hollywood Arts wouldn't let Festus serve coffee, she grabbed another pair of scissors out of her bag, and threw them at the Grub Truck, causing Festus, along with most of the entire Asphalt Café, to flee with terror.

"Whats going on here?" Principal Eikner asked, walking up to the students.

"Jade's upset you took away her coffee," Cat said from her hidding spot behind Robbie and Andre.

Principle Eikner's eyes went wide. He looked towards Jade who was holding her scissors in a threatening way.

"Oh no," he sighed, walking back into the school. "I'll get the police on standby."

"Coffee!

"Jade, if you don't give me the scissors, Principal Eikner is going to call the cops on you…again. Give me the scissors."

"No! You will give me my coffee!" she shouted.

"One of you want to back me up here?" Beck asked.

He turned around, only to see his friends standing by the doors of the school. The entire gang shook their hand. They knew how dangerous Jade was with scissors. And with no coffee…yeah…they weren't getting near her. Beck was on his own.

He took a step closer to his currently deranged girlfriend, silently hoping she wouldn't get any more upset, especially since she still had her scissors in her hand. Beck still remembered when he found Jade in the janitor's closet when she cut up the trash can. He never imagined she could do that kind of damage. But no coffee and scissors…even that thought frightened Beck a bit.

"I will get you coffee but you have to give me the scissors," Beck said. "Let go of the scissors."

"Why?"

"Do you want the coffee or not?" Beck questioned.

"Do you want a happy girlfriend?" she countered.

"Give me the scissors," he ordered.

Fuming, Jade slapped the scissors into Beck's hand and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Black. Two sugars. Ten minutes," Jade ordered.

She grabbed her bag and stormed off to Sikowitz's class.

How dare Hollywood Arts stop serving coffee? Little did they know, they had made the biggest mistake of their soon to be short lives.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

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**Chapter 3**

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Beck had been gone for thirteen minutes and counting and Jade was getting more on edge with each passing second.

"Today, we are going to discuss-"

"Why isn't coffee being served at the Grub Truck?" Jade interrupted. "Or anywhere else on campus?"

"Ah, Jade. So grumpy today. Is no coffee making Jade upset?" Sikowitz replied, moving closer as he spoke.

"Get out of my face," she growled.

"Gank," Sikowitz muttered as he walked back to the front of the class.

"Don't be mean to Jadey," Cat said, hugging Jade. "She just needs her coffee."

"First, don't call me Jadey," Jade grumbled. "Second, GET OFF ME!"

"Kk," Cat whispered as she shrunk back down in her chair.

"Anyways," Sikowitz started, "As I was trying to say, today we're going to learn about-"

"I'm here!" Beck yelled as he burst through the door. His hair was messed up and his clothes were torn a bit. Yet when Jade saw him, all she saw was the coffee in his hand.

"Give me," she demanded, which Beck did without hesitating.

"Alright calm down," Beck said, sitting next to her and handing her the coffee cup. Jade immediately starting drinking it, which calmed her down immensely. "What do you say?"

"Thanks," Jade muttered as she held the coffee in her hands. She breathed in the sweet smell and lifted the cup to her lips. Even the aroma of coffee calmed her down.

"Dude, what happened to you?" André asked.

"Four girls tried to attack me because I had coffee," Beck explained.

"Because you had coffee?" Cat asked. "That's so mean!"

"Good Ghandi! Is anyone here to learn?" Sikowitz exclaimed. Then he saw the forbidden liquid. He stepped off the stage and took the cup away from Jade, earning him a hard scowl.

"Ah ah ah," Sikowitz said, wagging his finger. "Jade, the rules are no coffee."

Jade stared at Sikowitz like he had just murdered someone she loved. Beck took notice and knew this was not going to end well.

"Jade," Beck warned.

"Give it back!" she screamed.

"Jade, no no," he said. Beck pulled Jade back down to her seat and rubbed her arm lovingly. But Jade wasn't having any of it. When Beck stopped rubbing her arm, Jade ran toward Sikowitz and tackled him onto the floor, causing an array of shouts and screams from the on looking students.

"Jade, stop!" Beck shouted. He raced toward the stage, wrapped his arms around Jade's hips, and tried to pry her off Sikowitz, but with little success.

"Someone get her off!" Sikowitz shouted.

"I'm trying!" Beck shouted back.

"Give me back my coffee!" Jade screamed.

In the one moment Jade took to catch her breath, Beck was able to grab her arms and finally get off Sikowitz, who was now huddled in the corner, a bit surprised one of his students attacked him over a cup of coffee.

"Stop behaving like a gank," Beck ordered her.

"I'm not!" Jade argued.

"Yes, you are."

"Jade, Sikowitz only took your coffee-" André started.

"Stay out of this!" she shouted at him.

"Well!"

Jade turned to Sikowitz and glared at him for a moment before walking out the classroom. How dare he take her coffee!

"Maybe you shouldn't have done that," Beck said.

"Done what?" Sikowitz asked. He took a sip of the coffee and then spit it back in cup. How did Jade drink this stuff day in and day out?

Cat shook her head. "You didn't see Jade at the Asphalt Café. It's was horrible."

"You took away Jade's coffee," Beck added. "Have you ever seen her without coffee?"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

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**Chapter 4**

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Sikowitz sighed as he watched the class perform their scenes. These students had so much left to learn.

"Alright, alright that's enough," Sikowitz said, cutting off the group.

"But we were just getting the part where the aliens attack the clown and the banker," one of the awkward students explained.

Sikowitz rubbed his forehead. "Just sit down!"

As the students went to sit down, the lunch bell rang, and the class started to leave.

"Act better next time!" Sikowitz shouted after them. He knew he shouldn't have said it but they were just so bad.

He laid down on the front stage and tried to erase the scene he just witnessed from his mind. Suddenly all the lights went out, not just in the class but in the whole school and it didn't seem to bother Sikowitz at all.

"Now where did I leave my coconut?" he pondered. He had no plans to leave the classroom without his faithful batch of coconuts. He didn't even hear that someone was locking the door that was next to the stage.

When he couldn't find his coconut, he tried the light switch, hoping the power had come back on.

"That's funny, the light switch doesn't work," he mused before laughing nervously.

Sikowitz walked over to the door he usually came in and jiggled the handle, only to find that the door was locked. Jade walked in through the other door and stood in front of it, smiling.

"Coffee," she said.

Sikowitz laughed nervously. "Now Jade, sweet, special, bitter, scary Jade-"

"Coffee," she repeated.

Sikowitz slowly backed up toward the door and tried to turn the handle, only to find it was still locked like it had been a minute earlier.

"Coffee."

She pulled out a hammer and smiled.

"Coffee," she said yet again.

Sikowitz was starting to get very concerned for his well being when Jade pulled a hammer out of her bag. What kind of sick, deranged girl carried a hammer with her?

"Jade, put the hammer down and unlock the door. Let's talk about this," he tried.

Jade just shook her head. "Coffee."

She threw the hammer at the shelf above Sikowitz's head.

"Ha!" he shouted when she didn't hit him. But Jade just smiled. She didn't want to hit him. She wanted to hit the shelf beside the door, the one that held Sikowitz's coconuts. She watched with a smile as the shelf starting to splinter and the coconuts came falling down, eventually knocking Sikowitz out cold.

She grabbed Sikowitz by the bottom of his pants and proceeded to drag him out of the room.

The world could have him back when they gave Jade her coffee back.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

* * *

**Chapter 5**

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"Great Ghandi, what happened?" Sikowitz asked as he began to regain consciousness. He had yet to realize that he was handcuffed to ladder that was the secret passage to the library.

Jade was sitting on the standing tool box, playing with yet another pair of scissors. Beside her was a crate of coconuts that had been in Sikowitz's classroom. She looked at them, then at Sikowitz, and then smiled.

"Tell them to serve coffee."

She grabbed a coconut from the crate and sat it down on the floor. She took her scissors and proceeded to stab it repeatedly. Then, she picked it up and turned it upside down, allowing all the milk to leak out.

"I want coffee."

"Jade, hurting the innocent coconuts isn't going to help anything!"

"It's making me feel better. You love coconuts. I love coffee," she said. She grabbed another coconut and tossed it up and down, teasing her teacher. She was having fun with this.

"I love the coconuts."

"And I love coffee!" Jade shouted, throwing the coconut across the closet.

"Now you know what it feels when your denied something you love!" she yelled as her anger rose.

"Jade, I can't give you your coffee back!" Sikowitz yelled back in desperation. How could Jade hurt such innocent coconuts?

"Oh, I think there's a way," Jade said slowly. "There's always a way."

"If I knew of a way to change the school's mind, I would!" He exclaimed. "This torture of coconuts is unbearable."

"Well, until you can think of something," Jade sighed as she picked up another coconut. She tossed it back and forth for a moment, much like she did earlier, before she stabbed it again until the juices started to leak out.

"Nooo!" Sikowitz cried as he started to break down. "You can't do this!"

"Yes I can!" Jade yelled back as she walked over and dumped the coconut juice on Sikowitz's head.

"No one denies Jade West her coffee," Jade growled, sitting back on the tool box.

"The poor, poor coconut!" Sikowitz cried. "Why?"

"Shut up or I'll do it again!"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

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**Chapter 6**

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With the power cut off to the school and Sikowitz being taken hostage, the entire school had been evacuated for their own safety. Beck had managed to sneak back inside, dragging André along with him.

"What are we doing in the library?" André asked.

"There's a secret passageway from the library to the janitor's closet and we need to find it," Beck stated.

"How do you even know if she's in there?"

"Because that's where she goes when she's upset. If she does have Sikowitz, that's where they're going to be."

"I'm not going near your girlfriend," André stated. "She's crazy."

"She just hasn't had her coffee," Beck argued. "You have to understand: Jade _functions_ on coffee."

"You've seen her like this before?" André shouted.

"Maybe once or twice," Beck admitted. Granted, he hadn't seen her lose it this badly before, but he had seen her without coffee and it wasn't pretty at all. "Now help me find it! I know it's around here somewhere!"

"Beck, we gotta problem, man," André said. He pointed to the TV that was on. Beck shook his head.

"They called a SWAT team on her? We need to find that passageway now! Go check upstairs and I'll keep searching down here."

Beck searched behind bookshelves and under all the furniture he could find. That secret passageway had to be somewhere.

"Beck! I think I found it!" André shouted.

Beck raced upstairs and searched until he found André. André had broken a leg off the chair and had used it to pry open the secret passageway, nearly ripping it off its hinges. Beck took a deep breath and got ready to plunge into the darkness.

"What about the SWAT team preparing outside?" André asked.

"I need you to delay them as long as possible. Get to Principal Eikner and tell him what's going on. I'm going to try to get through to Jade."

"Good luck."

"No kidding."

And with that, Beck ducked into the secret passageway and made his way down toward the janitor's closet in attempt to reason with Jade.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

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"Can I have something to eat?" Sikowitz asked suddenly.

"No," Jade said in a monotone voice.

"But you kidnapped me during lunch and I'm hungry."

"You get no food until I get coffee!" she yelled.

"But I can feel my stomach eating itself," he whined.

"Stop complaining! I'll hurt the other coconut and it won't be pretty!"

Jade's and Sikowitz's head shot up toward the ceiling. There was a small noise coming from the ceiling. They could hear something but they couldn't tell what.

"What was that?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter!"

"But Jade I think-" he started.

"Shut up!" she screamed. "Do you want – "

She was cut off by Beck falling from the opening above their head. There was a very loud bang as Beck fell onto Sikowitz.

"Beck!" Jade said in surprise.

"Hey," he said, getting off the ground. He rubbed his head, sure that his fall was most definitely going to give him a headache and probably a major goose egg.

"Help me?" Sikowitz asked. "I'm handcuffed here!"

"What are you doing here?" she asked icily, ignoring Sikowitz.

Beck brushed himself off and assessed the situation. Jade had definitely gone off the deep end.

"Jade, listen to me: there is a SWAT team outside the school because you've taken Sikowitz hostage," Beck explained.

"They took away my coffee. They can't do that to me! I need my coffee!"

"I'm sure there's a way we can figure this out but you have to let Sikowitz go."

"Not until I have my coffee!"

"Jade, if the SWAT team comes in, they are going to take you to prison, and I promise you…they won't have coffee. What are you going to do then: take the warden hostage and hold him in the shower?"

Jade turned her head to the side. "Maybe."

"Let Sikowitz go and we will figure this out. I will make them serve coffee but I can't do that if I have to bust you out of prison. Which would you rather have me do?"

"Coffee," Jade muttered.

"Jade," Beck said firmly.

"Fine," she scoffed. She grabbed the hammer she had laying on the tool box and used it to break Sikowitz's handcuffs.

"See, that wasn't hard, was it?" Beck asked.

Jade glared at him and opened the door, only to find Principal Eikner standing in front of it. The SWAT team was behind him.

"Jade," Principal Eikner said.

"Coffee," she stated.

Principal Eikner nodded his head. "We'll make sure they serve coffee." He never expected one student to do this…all because there wasn't coffee.

"Good. Let's go, Beck. I want coffee. I think Sikowitz drank mine," Jade said. She slung her bag over her shoulders and walked out the doors of Hollywood Arts.

"Coffee really means that much to the girl, doesn't it?" Sikowitz asked.

"You have no idea," Beck replied.

"Beck!"

Beck sighed. "I'm coming!"


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

Summary: When they stop serving coffee at Hollywood Arts, how far will Jade go to get the beverage she loves? Co-written with bella1985!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

* * *

The Asphalt Café got quiet as Jade and Beck made their way over to their usual table and sat down with Cat, André, Robbie, and Rex. Beck made sure Jade had her coffee, not wanting a repeat of the day before.

"Did you guys see the note on the Grub Truck?" Tori asked as she sat down.

"What did it say?" Cat asked.

"I don't know. I didn't read it but it had the Hollywood Arts insignia on it. So what happened yesterday?" Tori asked. "I miss one day of school and it sounded like it was crazy here."

"Principal Eikner decided that Hollywood Arts shouldn't serve coffee anymore," Cat explained.

"Never speak of it!" Jade shouted.

"It's okay. I think they changed their minds."

"Let's go this way," Beck said, pulling Jade toward the Grub Truck. When Festus saw Jade, he ducked below and Jade smiled. What she had done the day before would never be forgotten. She had most definitely made her mark at Hollywood Arts.

Sikowitz was leaning by the Grub Truck, drinking a coconut, when Beck and Jade walked up.

"Hey Sikowitz. New coconut?" Beck asked.

"What? Oh yes, all the way from Madagascar!"

"They have those there?"

Jade turned around and smiled. "Coffee."

Sikowitz screamed, dropped his coconut, and ran inside the school. Beck shook his head and kissed Jade on the cheek, happy and relieved to have a somewhat sane and mentally stable girlfriend again.

"Jade, you gotta read this," Beck said.

Jade made her away around the side of the Grub Truck where she saw a piece of paper plastered onto it.

"For the well-being of the students-" Jade smirked "-here at Hollywood Arts, coffee will be served throughout the duration of the school day."

She had won. No one could take coffee away from her…at least not without major consequences.


End file.
